Kill or be Kilt

So I'll skip the back story, explaining why one of the roomies was dressed up like a sexy blue smurf and why the other earns much mocking for wimping out and not wearing the bib overalls downtown and simply say that I went out in a kilt last night.

And yes, for the record, I went "full Scotsman".

That is half the fun of wearing a kilt after all. The slight naughtiness of it, the wind through your hair. Not to mention that we men look damned good kilted out. There's nothing girly about kilts!

What sucks is the fucking hypocrisy that kilt-wearing brings out in people.

For starters, as far as must Icelanders are concerned, Scots and only Scots can wear kilts. If anyone else kilts up, then they're crazy or gay or "trying to get attention" (which is what the guy wearing the neon-orange and green 80's track suit with the pink trainers, mullet, and big ol' Tom Sellec (?) mustache accused me off at Sirkus....black pot much?). Never mind that a guy can wear Levi's and cowboy boots and a duster even if he's not American, or a girl can sport a kimono or high-collared Chinese dress even if she looks like Hitler's wet dream. Kilts are apparently only for Scots.

Then there's the absolute hypocrisy of women who, if they were accosted on the streets by a drunk who flipped up their skirt and tried to fondle them, would attack said man,call the cops, and have him charged, but see nothing wrong with damn near ripping the kilt off of me on my way home from the bar. I mean WHAT THE FUCK!?

You want sexual harassment to be taken seriously? You want men to stop claiming that "she asked for it" because of what you wear? Then you have to follow the same damned rules.

In the teacher's lounge at the school I work at, they once gathered around the computer to watch a power-point thingy consisting of bag-pipe music and shots of kilt-induced wardrobe malfunctions. There's also a beefcake fire-fighter calender up on the wall, and a cartoon of a naked man being used to plow furrows in a field with his dick with the caption "Back when men were good for something".

I wouldn't mind this at all, really, if it wasn't for the fact that if I looked up some up-skirt shots on the communal computer or put up a poster of some half-naked chick draped over a car, I'd be accused of being sexually inappropriate or worse yet, they'd get on my case about klámveiðing or whatever its called.

Basically I think double standards, whether they favor men or women, suck ass and ought to be fought.

So leave my kilt alone. Seriously. Or I'll retaliate by ripping your top off and leaving you to walk home trying to hold it together so as not to expose yourself to the world.

"Do unto others" after all....