So I had an epiphany this morning. Like most of my epiphanies, it didn't happen at any particularly momentous occasion, it just built up without my realizing it until it popped.
Kinda like a pimple on your back.
Only in a good and non-disgusting way.
I realized two things while standing on a hill, watching the kids play in the grass below.
The first thing I realized was that the major cause of stress, the thing that makes all the other problems seem unbearable at work is simply this: I keep doing other people's jobs.
So no more. "It's not my god damned job" is my new mantra.
The boss fucks up and doesn't schedule enough workers?
The boss doesn't show up for a week and there's nothing to feed the kids?
I can't do the projects I was hired to do because the boss isn't around to approve of and pay for the materials?
Applications and such pile up on the desk?
Emails go unaswered, phone calls aren't picked up?
NOT MY GOD DAMNED JOB!
Like all epiphanies (except maybe the one where a disembodied voice from the sky told some Aramaic chic that the guy who knock her up was "god") its painfully simple once one realizes it.
"Painfully Simple" could be my middle name.
The second epiphany was truly liberating.
I let my attempt at achieving 300-ness become an obsession.
I force myself to work out even when I know its getting in the way of more important things, even when I know I'm so exhausted that its doing more harm then good.
I've been working out like a mofo three to four hours a day, four days a week for three months and all I've managed to do is gain 3 kilos, hurt my shoulder, and stress stress stress about the lack of results.
What dawned on me is that last fall, when I started working out twice a week, more out of boredom than anything else, when I walked to and from work, and worked out at work so that it didn't impact my private time, I was getting much better results and was much much happier.
So I'm gonna go back to that. Get home by 6 and actually cook dinner in the kitchen I was so looking forward to using. Have time and energy to talk and hang out with my friends.
So what if I'm not a rippling Brad-Pit clone. I'm genetically prone to being barrel-chested and heavy and fuck trying to be a skinny-ass male model bitch.
I'm gonna start living again.
Work and working out can kiss my slightly pudgy Yankee ass.
4 comments:
GO SAM!!!!!!!never give up on ur 300 dream.thanks for ur advice. needed someone to say that out loud.
The SAM is a pudgy Yank. The SAM is adorable in said pudgy Yankness.
Sam, are you sure those extra kilos are not MUSCLES? because this is what happens when you work out a lot. You actually gain weight but in muscles not in fat.
i sounded so pro-obsessive compulsive exercise bitch even thou i hv*never* been to gym EVER in my life.the climbing down 4 storeys give me the needed workout.so ignore my NEVER GIVE UP ON UR 300 dream.bask in ur "pudgy" yanky glory
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