Couldn't help myself...

“Please, where is line for second-class peoples?”


“HA?”


“Where is line for second-class peoples?”


“Talarðu ekki íslensku?”


“I am sorry, I not understand.”


“grrr...Ok, vhat is your question?”


“I am needing food, what line do I stand in please?”


“Vhat is your flokkur, you know, your rating?”


“Rating?”


“Your rating, yes, vhat is it?”


“I am sorry, I not know.”


“....útlendingar...OK, I vill explain. That line is for Icelanders, they get served first, don't stand there!”


“OK”


“The next line is for hálf-útlendingar. People who have Icelandic citizenship, but are not Icelandic. Ewen if they have been living here a long time, ewen if they speak Icelandic, own a home or business in Iceland, are married to an Icelander, and have half-Icelandic children. That is vhat the sign says. Íslenskir ríkisborgarar af erlendum uppruna. See? Not íslendingar.”


“Yes, I see.”


“The next line is for E.U. citizens, or as they are called in Icelandic, erlent vinnuafl. They should go home but some of them don't understand the Icelandic system and stay here. Are you a EU citizen?”


“Sadly no.”


“OK, then you must go in this line, see? It is the line for mostly brown not EU people who come here to steal our jobs, cheat our well-fare system, steal our men, abuse our women, create mafias, destroy our culture, and steal food from the mouths of our starving children.”


“But I am not coming here to do that!”


“Oh good. Ve keep trying to make them go home, but nothing vorks! They have to pay taxes for it, but they can't get bætur, ve can send them home if they don make more than minimum vage, or if they can't afford to pay fines instead of going to jail, and ve have a rule that they can only get a job if no Icelander vants it, and still they keep coming! But if you are not here to do that, vhy are you here?”



“I am coming here to teach dancing.”


“Vhy didn't you say so! See that much nicer line over there? That's the line for exotic foreigners who make Icelanders feel cosmopolitan and culturally hip. You belong in that line!”


“Why is they all so high?”


“THEY'RE DOING DÓP!?!?! ÚTLENSK GLÆPAGENGI!!!!!!!”


“I sorry, I mean to say why are they so tall?”


“Oh! Ha ha. Oops. That is also the line for foreign athletes.”


“Oh. I understanding. Thank you. Please can I ask one more questions?”


“OK.”


“The place with leather arm chairs and free champagne, who is that for?”


“Oh, well, that is for íslandsvinir.”


“Um...I am also friend of Iceland. Can I go there?”


“Vait a minute, I thought you don't speak íslenku!”


“I don't but the author does, he just forgot about it 'cause he ain't had enough coffee yet.”


“That would explain vhy all of the sudden your accent vent from generic foreigner to hillbilly Yankee.”


“Please to be regaining plot now?”


“Oh, yeah, sorrí. Anyvay, íslandvinir are rich or famous foreign people who like Iceland, or at least come to wisit once or tvice. Because they are famous, they make us look famous too, so ve give them special treatment.”


“Oh, like what please?”


“Vell, They never have any problem with getting wisas or vork permits, ewen if they are from outside of the EU, the police usually don't bust them for drug use, and if they are famous enough, ve vill grant them asylum or citizenship if some other country vants to charge them vith tax-fraud or something silly like that.”


“Really? Is allowed asylum seeking here?”


“Hahahahahaha. Ó mæ gadd nei! That is vhat that electrified cage ower there in the corner is for! Ha ha ha ha!”


“OK, I think I am understanding. Who is all the peoples in parkas though?”


“Those are tourists. Also the ones in skinny-jeans and ironic T-shirts. Ve like them, they come here and spend lots of money. They even tip! Sometimes they are so stupid they pay for other people's drinks! Best of all, they leave!”


“I see. Thank you so many for helping me. Could I ask one more thing?”


“Sure, vhy not?”


“Where can I be finding list of rooms to let?”


“Let?”


“Yes, am needing to find new place to live.”


“Oh, you mean “rent”, funny how you útlendingar can't even speak correct útlensku. Vhy do you need to find a new place to live?”


“There are homo-faggots living in the house!”


“Hólí sjitt! Ég trúi ekki að þú hafir sagt þetta! Hvað er þetta með ykkur fokking útlendinga! Þið eru öll svo helvíti fórdómafull!”


“What?”

"Never mind. Here is your order. Do you want kokteilsósa with your fries?"

I know, I know. Mean. Ranty. Negative. Stuff I was gonna stop doing...but c'om! It's funny!