Crisis of confidence...

So I spent the weekend in class, learning about a lot of things I either already knew or could have happily survived without knowing.

Not that it was bad. I mean, it was fun talking with my fellow students, bitching about the instructors and talking shop.

And I did get to see Watchmen, which was fucking brilliant.

I also nearly finished an interesting report, late of course, for the same class. Admittedly I let my enthusiasm get the better of me in the rough draft, moving a decimal point a tad too far, which required a complete rethink once corrected. But I was practically done.

Until I accidentally erased the whole fucking thing this morning.

Which kicked off a spiral of ugh.

I start thinking of how far behind I am in my other classes (two big projects breathing down my neck and a pile of reading I;ve managed not to do). I start thinking of how easy this University thing used to be. I start wondering if I actually have half the potential I've let myself believe I have.

The worst bit is how little I seem to be able to do. I can barely keep up with the three classes I'm in, so how can I keep up with the 4-5 I should be in? I can barely make time to work out, I haven't worked on the apartment since January, I've had to drop one Social Services client, and I don't seem to have time for any sort of social life.

Meanwhile, people I know are having endless adventures, making babies, running for office, organizing volunteer projects, etc.

I want to be better. At everything. But the thwarted desire sends me into a spiral of ugh.

I hate the ugh spiral.