Brave New Year

Hello dearest darling blogodytes.

Miss me?

So I'm sitting in what should be the first class I can attend of my shiny new career as a grad student, but oddly enough, no one is here.

This is in keeping with the trend so far, whereby the few courses I can attend have either been canceled at the last minute or conflict with each other's schedules.

Oh well.

Try not to freak.

That's kinda my mantra for this brave new year.

Try no to freak.

Thing is, it dawned on me during the dark days of December that the one overriding theme of my 2008 was fear.

I was afraid of getting hurt, so I cocooned myself in with those friends I knew I could trust, and locked everyone else out.

I was afraid of getting my heart broken, so I dallied in meaningless flings and avoided anything that might have become real.

I was so afraid of screwing something up, that I didn't get anything done. Not at school, not at work, not fixing the apartment, not nothing.

And the fear grew. It got big and got teeth and started to insinuate itself into my dreams, into my consciousness, so that suddenly I was avoiding protests for fear of being thrown out on the country and barely making it to work on time because I had to go back and check that everything was locked up. The fear tried to spoil my one brave act of the year (going to Spain) by filling my head with all the things that could go wrong. On the way there I worried about getting lost or getting in trouble with customs, on the way back I freaked out about the Icelandic authorities trying to deport me.

A whole year went by and I let fear define it, and let that fear render me nearly useless.

Which stops now.

I'm not going to let my fears hold me back any more.

So I'm back at school.

So I'm working on the apartment.

So I'm going out and meeting new people.

Fuck fear, fuck it right up its furry little bottom.

Look out 2009, Da Sma is back!