So I'm riding my bike from Emble's this morning, heading down the left-hand sidewalk on the hill by Haskoli and some ass hat in an asshatmobile pulls onto the sidewalk right in front of me to pick up his asshat buddy, forcing me to choose between crashing into a still moving heap of overpriced polluting metal, a lane of oncoming traffic, or a concrete garden wall.
I choose the latter.
As I'm diving from my now even more fucked up bike, I see the asshats pull off with a screech of over sized snow tires that have never left a paved road, and caught a glimpse of asshats laughing at me.
So now my bum knee is all fucked up again, and my shoulder feels like it got hit by, well, a concrete garden wall, and Sid the Vicious Cycle (yes I named my bike...after all he's all full of junk) is all buggered up.
This has led me to make two decisions and consider one other. First, I'm wearing my dorky helmet from now on.
Because you never know when asshats might strike.
Second I'm fixing up my saddlebags, so I can carry a first aid kit with me.
Because you never know when asshats might strike.
Also, I'm thinking of investing in a good rock hammer next time I'm at the hardware store. You know, one of those ones with a good heavy flat surface and a strong pick spike on the other end, for digging and carving rock, or puncturing over sized snow tires that have never seen a gravel road, or shattering asshat kneecaps.
Because its handier than a Molotov cocktail.
And you never know when anti-asshats might strike back.
3 comments:
Surely you noted the plates? It's fairly easy to track the owner that way. And...er..tp his house.
Dear Deity, man! Go steal some internet. Don't you live close to a university or college or library or something?
You're seriously crampin' my stalkin' style here.
OK, that's it. I'll assume the asshats got you. Presumably you have caught asshatism and are now on your way to buy an SUV and one of those tenty-motorhome things. I'll furthermore assume that you have converted to scientology (or something even weirder, like catholicism) and plan on measuring our theta-levels through your blog.
Or you're lazy.
Could be either.
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