The Autumn of My Introspection.

I always get introspective in the fall. There's just something about the change in seasons, the way the world seems to slow down. The tang in the air as the leaves turn and the ground gets wetter and colder acts like some sort of sedative on little old me. I find myself skipping trips to the pool or the gym, taking the stupid bus instead of walking, laying about on sofas with my nose buried in a book or zoned out on a video, so far away from productive that standing up to try to glimpse it over the horizon seems like way too much work.

This year my usual fall down-time is proving particularly difficult. For starters, my new job while demanding, leaves me with alot more free time than I'm used to. With an appartment to refurbish and a ton of projects I've wanted to take care of, I should have no prob filling up the free time.

But I'm not.

Faced with removing walls and laying flooring and painting and installing and rewiring a kitchen, I just kinda putter out. I want my own place, but goddamn that's more work than I thought at first. Or maybe my autumn induced ennui just opened the proverbial can of whup-ass on my manic summer optimism.

House sitting for Embles & Co. raises its own issues. For starters, giving a confirmed TV junky like me access to so many channels (including three Discovery variants, National Geographic, The History Channel, and BBC Food) means that I fight a constant battle between getting anything done and "just checking to see what's on". Throw in internet at Embles and at home and, well, nothing happens. A whole lot of lazy ass nothing.

Then there's applying for Icelandic citizenship. For the longest time this was one of my most sought after goals, allowing me to live and work in more places with fewer restrictions than my Imperial Passport.

Problem is, the closer I get to Icelandicness, the less I want to be here. I want to take off, and a big part of me doesn't want to take off to a new place, but back to the green and misty mountains and the gooey duck (I prefer the funky old spelling) infested shores of my native Washington. Its just that despite the fact that I hate the current situation there, I can see hope not just for change, but change in the direction I've been thinking about, writing about, and dreaming about for years.

Meanwhile Iceland just bugs the hell out of me. The stupid socio/political crap that seems to never change and that few, if any will ever do anything about. Trust me when I say I've got a load of rant built up about that. But its also the weather (heavy rains just ain't the same without a canopy of evergreens) the lack of well, Washington-ness. I miss fall leaves that don't get blown straight off the trees. I miss pumpkins and making cider, drying apples, starting up the wood stove for the first time, hell I even miss splitting the wood! I miss clam chowder and clams steamed in beer. I miss peroskies and lattes at the Pike Place. I miss Mac&Jacks. I miss Rail Road Books, Peirce County Libraries on rainy days, the Puyallup Farmer's Market and the Fair. I miss driving into Tacoma for Thanksgiving or Christmas, I miss going out the coast in winter to watch the waves crash and the sand blow about and the trees bend half-sideways in the rain. I miss eating local. I miss Dad's garden. I mean, an episode of "No Reservations" when he visited Seattle recently left me in tears.

See what I mean.

Fall has me falling flat.

I have to go take care of the kiddies at recess, more later...